She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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