Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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