I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
