i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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