dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
