I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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