nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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