Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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