And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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