3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude i'm inner monologue high
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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