SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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