evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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