Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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