just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
