Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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