i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
