he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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