I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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