normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
