Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
