Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
