he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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