I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
