I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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