..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
