It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
