her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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