What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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