Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
