This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
