trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
