So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
