He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
