I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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