I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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