I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
