Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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