And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
