you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
