Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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