Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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