Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize