I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Randomize
