omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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