My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
