i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
