yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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