Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
