I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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