and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
