He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
