At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I came so hard my ears popped.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
