the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
