The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
