My room smells like vodka and shame
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
