My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if only i could text you this smell
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
