brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
no, he came in my armpit
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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