I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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