Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
