He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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