come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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