how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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