I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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