Cold hands, warm shart.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can't trust your balls anymore.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
