At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
