My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
