She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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