they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
