My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
