You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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