we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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