Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize